The day you find yourself ready to tell your family about your addiction is likely to make you feel anxious and overwhelmed. You’ve spent months or even years trying to cover up the problem, so coming clean can feel unnatural. However, rest assured that if you are ready and willing to tell your family about your substance use, you are already in a good place. No matter how hands-on and supportive your family is, they can’t make you recover. Only you're in control of this, and admitting your problem is where recovery starts. 

Another factor to point out is that your family probably already knows—or at least suspects—that there’s a problem. They may not know the extent of it, but they probably know that something isn’t right. For example, if you’re dependent on alcohol, your family likely knows that you enjoy drinking. But, they may believe that you are a social drinker or simply get carried away from time to time—not that you have a true alcohol use disorder. 

Let’s talk about why it’s important to tell your family about your addiction, how to prepare for (and have) the conversation and how to cope with their reactions. 

Why It’s Important to Tell Your Family 

There are a number of reasons why you should be open and honest with your family about your substance use. They are likely to be your biggest support system. They can provide you with the emotional support, encouragement and practical assistance you need during recovery. Some of the things they can help with include finding a treatment program, making sure that substances are removed from the home and taking care of kids and pets while you’re away. 

Keep in mind that many families adopt unhealthy roles when there is an addict in the home, which may already be occurring in your household. For example, your mom may have taken on the role as The Caretaker (Enabler), keeping everyone in the household happy. A younger sibling may have taken on the role of The Mascot, using humor as a distraction. These roles allow the addiction to continue, which is why they must be stopped. This is where family therapy can be especially helpful. 

How to Prepare for the Conversation 

Start by reflecting on the reasons why you want to share this information with your family. Knowing your motivations can help you articulate your thoughts clearly. For instance, do you want your family to participate in therapy with you? Do you want them to help you find a treatment program? Do you need their assistance in taking care of practical needs while you check into rehab? 

Next, choose the right time and place to have the conversation. Ideally, it should be a quiet and private environment where you can talk without being interrupted. Make sure everyone has enough time to process the information. If you know that you’re going to have trouble telling your family about your addiction, consider writing a letter instead. You can then meet together to discuss the next steps. Some people don’t want to see their family’s initial shock when they tell them, making this a better approach. 

Finally, be sure to educate yourself on addiction. Being informed can help you answer questions and address concerns more effectively. Remember, addiction is not a choice. You made the choice at one point to experiment with drugs or alcohol, but once you become dependent on them, you are no longer in control. Obtaining and using the drug become your focus, and if you try to stop, you’ll go on to experience distressing withdrawal substances. This is not your choice, nor your fault. Fortunately, help is available, and you can get sober. 

Starting the Conversation 

If you choose to have this conversation directly, start with honesty. Clearly state that you have an addiction and need support to overcome it. Addiction is a disease, and you wouldn’t hesitate to let your family know that you need their help in treating other diseases. For example, you can say, “I need to talk to you about something very important. I have been struggling with alcohol use, and I need your support to get healthy.” 

The next step is to express your feelings as openly as possible. Let your family know how your substance use has affected your life. Maybe you have lost friends, blew through your savings or are no longer present with your children. You can say something like, “I’ve been feeling scared and overwhelmed, and I can’t do this without your help. I’m tired of waking up and not remembering what I did or said the night before.” 

Remember to give your family grace, too. Even if they’ve suspected a problem, they may still feel shocked, angry or hurt by what you’ve told them. After all, you are now bringing this problem to the surface where it has to be dealt with. You may want to say, “I know this is hard to hear, and you may need time to process what I’ve told you. Your feelings are important to me.” 

Coping with Different Reactions 

Of course, you hope that your family will accept your news with open arms and be prepared to support you. But, it doesn’t always work this way, and you know your family better than anyone. With that in mind, be prepared for different reactions. Your parents may be supportive, for instance, but your spouse may not. Be prepared for different reactions, but don’t let any fear stand in your way of admitting your problem and seeking help. Some people just need longer to process the information. 

Also be sure to emphasize your commitment to sobriety and your desire to rebuild trust and improve your relationship. If you've hurt your family by lying, stealing or manipulating, they may not trust you right now. But relationships can be mended, and the best way to do this is by seeking treatment and following through on your recovery goals. As you begin a treatment program, be sure to share your progress and involve your family in the healing process. Family therapy is a wonderful tool for strengthening families. 

Treating Substance Use Disorders in Easton, PA

Recovery Cove recognizes that addiction is a family disease that affects everyone in the unit. This is why we offer family therapy, support groups and education as part of our program. You can learn more about our monthly Education and Support Group for families here. It’s important for us to know that our clients are returning home to positive environments that are conducive to recovery. To learn more about our programs and how we support families, contact us today at 484-549-COVE.